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笔者参加了湖北省2013年高考英语短文写作的评卷工作.现将评卷中的点滴感悟整理呈现出来,希望对参加2014年高考的同学们有所借鉴与帮助.
一、试题分析与解题对策
请根据以下提示,并结合事例,用英语写一篇短文.
We all know that “sticks and stones may break our bones”, but we should also be aware that words can hurt people, too.
注意：
1.无须写标题,不得照抄英语提示语；
2.除诗歌外,文体不限；
3.文中不得透露个人姓名和学校名称；
4.词数为120左右.
我想以上写作提示告诉同学们在写作中应注意以下几个主要信息点：
1. 英语提示语的重点在该并列句的后半句,考生通过写作应着重告诉读者这样一个道理,即“恶语伤人”.
2. 必须结合一个事例来阐述.
3. 事例的主体时态应是过去范畴时态（一般过去时、过去完成时等）.
二、答题中的表达错误
1. 词类错误.现将今年短文写作中考生书写的典型错词整理如下：
2.句子结构错误.
I always remembering the time ... （remember）
Only he went out angrily did I know I hurt him. （when/after he went out angrily）
3.时态、语态、语气、语序错误.
I won’t fet the day when I am in middle school. （was）
I saw his face was turned red. （去掉was）
Were I polite to him at that time, he wouldn’t be so sad now. （Had I been polite）
It was not until then did I realize I had hurt him deeply. （that I realized）
4.搭配错误.
At that time we often talked many things together. （talked about）
He left without saying a word because what I said to him. （because of）
分析与对策：同学们在高考写作中所出现的这些问题,大多是他们平时学习、写作中经常犯的典型错误.因此我们说写作训练重在平时.通过平时的每次训练,找出自己常在哪些方面出现问题,并把这些错误加以整理并收集起来,进而编写出自己的纠错本,且时时看,常常思,久而久之,这些错误便会越来越少,直至消灭.
三、2013年高考英语短文写作案例与评判
习作一
It’s known to all that “sticks and stones may break our bones”, but it just hurts us physically. What we should know is that word can hurt people too and it hurts people mentally, which is hard to recover.
When it es to this, memories e flood in to my mind. When I was in middle school, my friend Lily did very poorly in written English. What she wrote sometimes was hard to recognize. She knew that it was her weakness and I didn’t say anything. But one day I laughed at her, saying that her written English was so poorly. She cried and ran away. I was so shocked and felt very guilty. I was just joking and thought that she wouldn’t blame me. But she didn’t. I apologized to her over and over because I realized that what I said did hurt her.
So from my own experience, I can draw a conclusion that it is words that can hurt people most sometimes. So do mind your mouth, don’t let what you say hurt someone or you will regret for it!
得分：27～28分
点评 1. 文章读起来通顺流畅, 内容切题,使用了较多句式,如：
（1） It’s known to all that ... （主语从句句式）
（2） What we should know is that ... （主语从句和表语从句句式） （3） When it es to ... （固定句式）
（4） I can draw a conclusion that it is words that can hurt people most sometimes ... （同位语从句和强调句型）
（5） Don’t let what you say hurt someone or you will regret for it! （祈使句+并列连词+陈述句句型）
（6） ... , which is hard to recover. （非限制性定语从句）等.这些亮点的出现会让阅卷老师认为该考生具备较强的英语语言知识运用能力.
2. 美中不足：
（1） 文中出现了些许错误,如：
memories e flood（flooding）in ...
saying that her written English was so poorly（poor）.
（2） 连接成分有些过于简单、单一.
习作二
With time going by, we he all growing up. So, we must learn how could we use words cannot hurt others. It’s very impertant.
I still remember, when I was young, I often said some not good words, and always made my parents amazied. Oneday, my sister ware a new dress and visit my parents. My mother talk my sister： you look so beautiful. But in my eye, my sister is more fat. So, I shout to my mother： you are wrong, she is very ugly. And then, my mother in a dilemma, and my sister was very upset.
Too many years ago, I realize I was so foolish that I use words hurt my sister. In fact, I should he talk my mother the truth when my sister gone. Or I should say： sister, the dress is suitable for you if you loose wight.
We all should be aware that words can hurt people, please use words carefully.
得分：15～16分
点评： 1.主要内容与提示语较吻合,应用的语法结构和词汇能基本满足任务的要求.
2. 语法结构错误多,如：
（1）we he all growing （grown）up ...
（2）we must learn how could we （we could） use words cannot （not to） hurt others.
（3）And then, my mother in a dilemma.（was in a dilemma）
（4）I should he talk （told） my mother the truth when my sister gone. （was away/was in her absence）
3. 词类拼写错误多,如：
impertant （important）, amazied （amazed）, Oneday （One day）, ware （wore） loose wight （lose weight）
4. 时态和搭配错误多,如：
（1）my sister ware（wore）a new dress and visit （visited）my parents
（2）My mother talk （talked to） my sister：
（3）So, I shout to （shouted at）my mother：
（4）Too many years ago, I realize I was so foolish that I use words hurt my sister.
（Two years ago, realized, used impolite words to hurt）
5. 句式单一（多为简单句）,语句间缺少必要的连接成分.
笔者从多年的教学和高考阅卷工作中感悟到,要想写出一篇出彩的短文写作,通常要注意以下十个方面：
审题细致,要点齐全,表达多样,词汇高级,语法准确, 语言地道,行文连贯,条理清晰,书写工整,卷面整洁.